The Vines of Life, Death, and Bellsprout

[Robert]

"In the town of Guyoyits, Bellsprout is shunned, burned, and cut up into little pieces. They hate the little bugger because in the far past it failed them. " started Seto, the mayor of Guyoyits. With his jet black hair meesed up, as usual. His small nose looking strange around his large, and rosy cheeks.

"The Battle between Hiro City and Guyoyits Town is held Anually, the Fifteenth Anual one was catostrophic. They went up. A Magikarp versus a Bellsprout. Magikarp won with a single attack. We had the Bellsprout. The Magikarp useed a single splash, hit the Bellsprout in the head, and knocked it out. "

"Since that day we've killed all the bellsprout that have wondered into these grounds. Any questions?" finished the Mayor of Guyoyits.

"Yes." Said Seth, a young boy of extreme handsomeness, with his straight nose, gray eyes, and looking great under his gray hair. "One, doesn't it seem a little harsh to kill a Pokemon for something that happened eighty-five years ago.

"Well, I guess it is a little harsh, but, it cost us 500 dollars, and it lost." said the Mayor hurriedly

"And two, who's this years lucky person." asked Seth

"It is you Seth, you, and your Mudkip are this year's lucky person to hold the honor of trying to win the pride of the Gold."Answered Seto happily

"Okay, that gives me another question, when is the battle, where is it taking place? Wait, that was two questions." Seth asked interestedly

"Yeah, where is it taking place and when?" Asked a young boy.

"In the big feild next to the lake, you know. It's fit for all pokemon. With plains, and lakes, and hills. There's no way you can miss it. It's taking place in ten minutes." answered Seto

Ten minutes later in the battle feild complete with lake, mountain, four hills, and plains. Seth and a boy by the name of Max were getting ready to battle. "Go Mudkip, let's take em' down." called Seth throwing a Pokeball.

"Go, Bellsprout, we'll defeat them one, two, three!" exclaimed Max. A gasp went around the croud, mainly the Guyoyits

"Now, Mudkip, use our new move: Hydro Pump! " ordered Seth. A giant blast of water shot from Mudkip's mouth and hit Bellsprout in the chest vine.

"Bellsprout, now, use your Synthesis. Then Vine Whip, finishing it with a Razor Leaf." called Max. Bellsprout stuck its vines into the ground, restoring his heath. Aparently it could stretch its vines out because it kept going back to the trees, eventualy falling in the lake. It got back out in about one minute.

"That's our chance, Mudkip. Hydro Pump, finish it!" screamed Seth. Mudkip shot a blast of water at Bellsprout, but it missed.

Bellsprout obviously had restored to full health. It shot it's Vines at Mudkip, severely damaging him. Then it shot leaves as sharp as knives at Mudkip.

Mudkip had fainted do to the sheer power of the attacks. "NOOOOOOO! screamed Mayor Seto.

"Mudkip, return! Let's go, we're leaving." cried Seth. He ran into the woods, too fast too catch, but nobody really tried to catch him.

[Robert]

"Water, food, Bellsprout, water, food, Bellsprout." mumbled Seth in the forest.

"Mudkip, mud." said Mudkip. Mudkip and Seth had been traveling in the wood for a couple hours now.

"Mudkip, I told you before. We're not leaving until I get a Bellsprout." Seth said crossly

"I'm sorry Mudkip, I just so angry. I let the entire Guyoyits city down, and Hiro won, for the hunderedths time in a row."

"I'm just so mad, I'm going to stay here until I catch a Bellsprout." Seth complained

Mudkip and Seth stayed there for weeks, but never found a thing, the only thng they found were Weedle, and Caterpie.

A couple a couple weeks after he went in he found what he was looking for. "That's it, Mudkip!" Yelled Seth when he saw it

They ran after it, and caught up to it. "Mudkip quickly, Water Gun." Mudkip's Water Gun hit him in the back, and knocked him over.

Bellsprout Rezor Leafed Mudkip, he shot sharp leaves at Mudkip. "Mudkip, now Tackle Bellsprout, tackle it to the ground.

Mudkip tackled Bellsprout with it's full and unlimited strength. "Good job Mudkip, now return." Called Seth

"Ok, this better work, Pokeball GO!" He shouted throwing a red and white ball at the Bellsprout. The ball hit Bellsprout in the head.

Bellsprout was sucked into the ball against its will. Once, twice, three times it rocked Back and forth. I crossed My fingers. Then it came out and Vine Whipped Mudkip.

It took it's vines and smacked him in the face twice. "Mudkip, let's try an are based tackle. Jump up into the air and let gravity do the rest." Called Seth calculating the what could happen.

Mudkip jumped high into the air and went speeding down at Bellsprout. He hit him in the head. "Ok, Pokeball GO."Shouted Seth so loudly that a nearby bird flutttered out of its tree.

The ball hit Bellsprout, it was sucked into it against its will again. Once, twice, three, three times it rocked back and forth. I crossed my fingers again, hoping for the best. Then...

Ready for Grading

[Robert]

Story: I liked the idea behind this. Bellsprout is considered a menace in this town because of something that happened in the past, so your character wants to find one and battle it. That's very interesting, and also kind of cruel to want to kill the sprouts just for an accident. :tongue: It seems like all this happened because a Magikarp beat a Bellsprout that was used, but perhaps you can explain this backstory further? The trainers who sent out the Pokemon, what the town was like then, whatever - it's just a suggestion, but I think it would have improved things. This part is good, though, and pretty original.

Spelling/Grammar: Not bad, but you continued to make the mistake of capitalizing every word that came after a quotation mark. Unless it's a name or something like that, it shouldn't be done. I think you should also spell out "ok" as "okay". It makes things like a whole lot nicer, and more clean. Random words are also capitalized, and you forget to capitalize Pokemon names from time to time.



I corrected this for you. Remember that when you do dialogue like this, the quotation marks end with a comma, and the next word (said, started, replied, etc.) aren't capitalized. 'Pieces' wasn't spelled right, and you forgot a period. You want want to check this and the rest of your stories for comma usage, since you could use work on that. Also, when you described Synthesis, you said "help" instead of "health".

Length: Seems fine for a little Bellsprout, although you're lacking some details.

Detail/Description: You're missing the most of this here, especially in the first part and the battle. I get that the main character is "handsome", but how so? What does the mayor and his friend look like? Also, describe the fields that you battle and find the Bellsprout in. I'm sure it has grass and trees, correct? Tell us that. During the weeks that your character doesn't find a Bellsprout and waits, you might want to describe those too, even with only a few sentences and such. What does he do while he waits?

This section needs more, I think. You're missing out on describing many things here.

Battle: The same I said for detail, you did not put in too much. Describe how attacks look, even the colors and sounds if you want to go that far. I can kind of see the battle, but not completely. I don't even know what an attack from Mudkip looks like here.



Is it a burst of water, or a small spray? You'll want to describe these as much as possible, because it's important for battles to work. Some of the plant's attacks were done well, but Mudkip's were lacking. Improve on those, and then you will get your Bellsprout.

Outcome: Bellsprout Not Captured! - Just put in more details and I'll give it to you.

[Robert]

Ok, I croos my fingers and say this: I did everything you siad I should do, or at least I think I did.

[Robert]

Well, I would have liked to see more, so keep that in mind next time.

You made an effort, though, so consider the plant yours. Bellsprout Captured!