A Day in the Desert

[Robert]

Current Character count as of completion: 41,475

Pokemon wanted: Armaldo

Requirement: 40-55k

Post One

Enter Bobby

among other things...

A Day in the Desert

Chapter 1

"Bobby, come here, I want to tell you another story," Bobby had just got back from the hobby shop on the corner, spending his pocket money, his allowance of three pokedollars a week on bubble gum and baseball cards. But he loved grandpa's stories, so he dropped his weekly treats, and ran over to Grandpa, who, like every week, was sitting in his rocking chair on the porch of the Boylanden hut. After plopping a peice of strawberry bubble gum in his mouth, and practically jumped on Grandpa's lap. The sun shining hot on his back, he opened his mouth, and started to spin a tale, the one of the ones that enchanted Bobby, and filled his dreams with wonderful images, of lost cities, royal romances, and extinct Pokemon.

"200,000 years ago, the oppressed desert people, called the Anotechs, came here from the region of Hoenn. They came here because the king of Hoenn, who was a conneseur of foods, was eating their sacred-and apparently delicous- pokemon, Anorith, to extinction. The Anotechs beleived that Anorith were the reincarnated souls of righteous men, and that when the Anorith evolved to become and Armaldo, that Armaldo could go to and fro from earth and the land of the dead at will. To avoid the eventual extinction they built a fleet of caravels, and gathered every Anorith, Anotech, and Armaldo in the region of Hoenn, and sailed all the way to Almia, where they made port near the Haruba desert, and have lived underground ever since, surviving on nothing but groundwater and food and vegetables, living in harmony with the ancient Pokemon." said Grampa Shores to eagerly listening young Bobby. Bobby Shores and his grandpa were best of friends. Bobby would always ask Grandpa to tell one of his stories, and Bobby would lap them all up, every one of them. He would tell stories about ancient legends, wars of the past, great dynasties, made of real kings and queens, and how they rose to power, and how they fell from grace. Grandpa seemed to have a story for every occasion, and then some, but the best part about all of them: they were all true. After each of grandpa's stories, Bobby would say," Imagine if we could do that," or "I wiswh we could find those,"

But today was different. Today's story, the one about the Anotechs from Hoenn, was nearby. Oh, it was close, Bobby could knew it from the geography classes in his school. They just had to cross the sea to Haruba Village, while they were already in Boyleland. but there were just a few problems. "Grandpa, how will we get to Haruba Village. We don't have any money for the boat, or food, or even lodgngs, and Momma would never let us go there, after Poppa went to Hoenn on a buisness trip, and never came back, she's been afraid of leaving the island. She wouldn't even let me go swimming in the sound, because she thoughgt someone would kidnap and kill me,"

"Bobby," Grandpa said with a sigh, "I'm sure Leene will let us go, if we convince her that you're mature enough, but it may take some time. Plus, you can only get to the Anotechs' City during the Rainy Season there, because that's when the sand is able to be dug down; We'll just use your Poppa's Sandslash for that. Now go get some sleep, it's late, and your Momma won't let us go out of the house, much less across the sea, if you stay up past your bedtime." Grandpa Shores walked towards the door, flipped of the light switch, and exited the little room in the small Boylelandan hut, leaving Bobby to dream about Hoenn, Anotechs, Anorith, and Armaldo going from one world to another, traveling on giant ships, running from cruel kings.

Chapter 2

"Leene, you can't keep him here forever, if he wants to leave he'll leave! He's going to leave anyway, why not sooner than later. he's not going to be scooped up by some terrorists and held for ransom, like Arthur," said a determined grandpa to her defiant daughter.

"Dad, I won't let my little baby be killed because you told him some crack pot fairy tale that made him want to become a treasure hunter, I want my little boy to stay on Boyleland! Do you know what is out there on the island? No, you don't. You could get killed instantly, or mauled by a crazy Pokemon, or any other endless amounts of things that can co wrong," responded an enraged daughter to her stubborn father.

"But, Leene, honey, he wants to leave, and I'll be with him, I'll protect him, I swear it. I love him almost as much as you do, and I'd never, ever let anything hurt him, because I'm his grandfather. Just like you're his mother, and Arthur was his father, you'd never let anything hurt him, and trust him, neither would I." croaked a loving father to an over protective daughter.

"Okay, Dad, I'll let you go, but you too have to raise all the money yourself, and if one hair on my little Bobby's head is singed, or torn, or anything else like that, you're going to wish you went with Arthur to Hoenn, or you're going to wish you got attacked by a pack of hungry, wild Kingler, while they all attacked you at once, fighting over your flesh, like two gold diggers over a really great vein," warned a beaten daughter to a triumphant father.

Upstairs, just before the banister, Bobby, who was woken by the argument, was smiling to himself. He was so happy, even though he knew he would have to work his butt off to pay for boat fare and lodging, he was still estatic about being able to go to the Haruba Desert. He forced himself to march back into his room, but didn't sleep a wink that night, because, in his mind's eye, he was already in Haruba, finding amazing amounts of Anotechs and Anorith, learning their language, and respecting the culture, just like the French and the Naitive Americans, oblivious to any of the fighting going on, only hearing the words, "Okay, fine you can go," or anything to that tone.

Chapter 3

Although Mrs. Shores agreed to let Bobby and his grandfather go to Haruba, they didn't exactly have enough money. Mrs. Shores absolutely would not pay for any of the trip. She said that if Bobby wanted to go that bad, he'd have to "get a job, go do some chores for the next door neighbor, or dip into your savings account," Now, bobby wasn't exactly what you would call, the most consevatice person on the island of Boyleland, so, he had to resort to doing grueling manual labor for his neighbors. Elderly Mister Hallowed, who would always secretly give Bobby bubble gum and trading cards, paid him five pokedollars a day to come over, take the trash out, feed his Poocheyanas, and water his plants while he was working the hobby shop that Bobby loved so much down the street. Now Mr. Hallowed, even though with his silver hair, buoyant attitude, gently wrinkled skin, and beautiful clothes, who looked themselves as if they were antique, couldn't supply Bobby with enough money to support a round trip to Haruba this rainy season, not to mention money for lodging, food, and entertainment for a week, so he had to find other means of money.

So he had to go to work for mean old Widow Finkle, who's husband passed away about two years ago, and caused Widow Finkle to age insanely quickly, wrinkles forming on her formerly smooth brow, her brown hair streaking with gray, and her once 20-20 vision whittling to thee worst of prescriptions, which she wore with the type of glasses that you would have seen the librarians of the nineteenth century wearing, hanging on her neck by an ugly brass chain. Now, she wouldn't be ugly iff she had simply worn regular clothing, but Widow Finkle was Boylish, a descendant of the original tribe that had inhabited Boyleland, and as such wore the traditional garb of the Boylish, a garment made entirely of passed on Pokemon. And such, wore feathers and pelts of seemingly endless and nameless various Pokemon that inhabited the land and sea around the village. Needless to say, she looked absolutely redicoulous, standing next to Bobby in his faded jeans, red Volcom tee-shirt, and backwards cap. But she paid well.

For eight pokedollars a day, Bobby, after doing various chores for Mr. Howards, would come to the Widow's house, and water and weed her garden, do her laundry(which was incredibly difficult to do, for all of the handmade clothes had to be handled with the "utmost care" or else they might break apart), and make her bed. Not to mention having to dust, vacuum, make her lunch, find, feed, and then find again her cat, and then leave,"but only after you've made absolutely sure that you've locked all the windows and doors. But even this back breaking work was not enough, he had to do yet another chore, though this was simple, and paid good for the job.

After the hours of working for the two elderly citizens, he would go to the local supermarket, power down everything, and lock all the doors, which he got paid $2 a day to do. And so, after a month of doing this work, he came up fourhundred-thirtytwo pokedollars, which his grandfather gave sixtyeight pokedollars to raised it to five hundred pokedollars. They both figuired that this amount would be enough to board a passenger boat going south. The trip would only take a day, and the boat left in one week. That would give Bobby time to make another one hundred eight pokedollars, more than enough money to go to the Haruba Desert.

[Robert]

Post Two

The Truth about Arthur

among other things...

Chapter 4

"Hey, Momma, I need something from you," yelled Bobby, running from one room to the next, wanting to ask his mother if he could use his Poppa's Sandslash for the trip. But before he could even get a word out, his mom cut across his words like a knife across a stick of freshly churn butter.

"Bobby, there's something you need to know about your father. I've been trying to keep it a secret, but your grandfather convinced me your mature enough to know," Now this simply bewildered Bobby, he knew everything there is to know about his dad. He was born and grew up on the Almia mainland, working as a farmboy in Chicole Village. When Mom was on vacation from Boyleland, the two met and insantaneously fell in love. Poppa then quit his job as a farmboy and traveled to Boyleland with Momma. He went to Community College, studying buisness, while running an agriculture plant, as his Poppa had called it. When he graduated from the college, his profits instantly sky rocketed from the way he now sold to places where that type of fruit or vegetable was scarce, and they moved to a bigger hut on the island. His father went to the Hoenn to strike up a contract with the Devon Corporation, but the ship was attacked by a wild pack of Sharpedo and everyone on it drowned, including his father. Just remembering the story made him think of how hard his dad worked, and almost brought a tear to his eye the way he died before his time, but he would be even prouder and sadder when he found out the truth.

"Bobby, I'm sorry, but your father's boat wasn't attacked by a pack of hungry Sharpedo, quite the opposite. Your father made it to Rustboro City. But when he was getting off of the Luxury Liner, the city was attacked by a terrorist organization, Almacca. They scooped up citizens, holding them for ransom. All of the people except your father was let go. They had heard of his buisness prowess and forced him to balance their budget, and assess if they could afford to bomb other cities. They practically had a gun to his head and two to his back every second of the day. He had two choices, do his job, with the chance of never seeing his family again, and leaving them incomeless, or secretly send money to his family, and have a chance of escaping and returning to Almia. He's the reason you can buy bubble gum every week," she revealed to Bobby, her eyes glistening with tears.

"Mommy, I'm sure he'll escape someday," coaxed Bobby, "Someone like that would never let a stupid orginazation like Almacca stop him. And I'm sure he'll come back, the same as he used to be. Now, I just have one question. Remember Poppa's Sandslash, I'm gonna need it for the trip. Grandpa and I are going to use it to excavate the city of the Anothechs, and when we do, we'll be famous, it'll be so cool. And I can use the money I get to help the search for Poppa, so, can I borrow it?" inquired Bobby. His mother's eyes, now glistening with tears, and full of pride wanted to say 'No, you can't go', but that we be insanely cruel. She just smiled, and nodded, pulling the Pokeball out of her pocket; the Pokeball that held Sandslash, the last peice of Arthur she held near and dear. And as Bobby walked out of the room, the multi-colored orb in his hands, she could remember the same scene, a full grown man, black suit on, breifcase in one hand, a good book in another, walking out of the door, unbeknownst to her that she would see her husband for over two years.

Chapter 5

Bobby was estatic; today was the day that the passenger ship would take him on the journey of a lifetime. He had stayed up all night the day before, picking what clothes to bring, what clothes to wear on the ship, researching about places to stay on the internet. He was, at this point, a Haruba expert. He felt sure that he and hisa grandfather could find the Anotechs, even though nobody had seen them in the last coouple thousand years. But the boat didn't leave for another two hours, and his mother had given him 120pokedollars to spend on whatever he wanted before the ship. He had spent 3 pokedollars on bubblegum for the rest of the trip, keeping the other 88 pokedollars to add to his Haruba account. The ship had only costed 50 pokedollars to go to and fro the island, and it would only take one day. So he was to sleep on the ship, and count the extra money he brought, the 50 pokedollars in his piggybank.

One hour before the boat left, Bobby's mother called him into the dining room where Grandpa was patiently waiting for him, legs crossed, buttocks on a stool. "Bobby, your Grandpa and I have been talking and we have decided to set some rules for this. Now you're going to be spending a week in Haruba, so they shouldn't be too hard to follow. First of all, wherever you go, you have to either be with Grandpa, or your Poppa's Sandslash, also, I want Sandslash to be out of the Pokeball the whole time, so give it here," Bobby retreived the ball from his pocket, and tossed into his mother awaiting hands. She fiddled with the ball for a second, eventually getting it to double in size, and open up, releasing a brown animal which had the appearance of something that would usually belon in a Godzilla movie. The Pokemon cried softly, and then sat down, happy to be out of the Pokeball for once. He was getting quite bored doing the mundane work of the Pokeball World-eating Cheez Doodles and watching movies.

"Now Bobby, also, you're not to go into the desert without at least three canteens of water, an emergency canteen of water, Grandpa, and Sandslash. I don't want you to go out there alone. Also-,"

Bobby cut across her words like a jet plane through the air," Yeah, you told me a billion times before, don't talk to strangers, don't eat food off the floor, and the guy's puppy really isn't lost, it's in the back of the car waiting to eat you. I know, I know, I'm not a little kid," and the last bit was true, he wasn't a little kid. Last night, as he got about two hours of sleep, the Testorone in his, er, genitals had kicked in, signaling the onstart of puberty.

"Okay, Bobby, enough with the attitude," his mother retorted, slightly taken aback," We need to go to the dock, or you're going to be vactioning in Finkle's laundry room," And so, the quartet trotted to the dockyard

They small party got there only five minutes before the ship was to take off, if you could call it that; the bottom of the ship was rusted to the point where a slight flick would take off a hundred pounds of loose ironoxide and encrusted with thousands of white, circular barnacles. The higher parts were made of an ugly black iron, the type which just looking at makes your eyes bleed. Just below the deck, splashed on in runny yellow paint, were the faded and barely legible words St. Patrick's Clover. So the captain was european. And European he was, the man, a stereotypical salty old seadog, with a sailors cap, unshaven beard, a fake eye patch, or so he hoped, and a wobbly wooden leg, which, was so obviously fitted over an actual foot it was painful to look at. This buccaner barked at the crowed in the most disgustingly forged accent your sorry old eyes would ever hear,"Aye, ya land lubbers, ye be wantin' to be boardin' me fine vessel, for if ye don't, I be ditchin' port without ye. And the best part about that will be that I be takin' your loot without even providin' a service. Har Har Har!"

Bobby instantaneously rolled his eyes, something he never had done before. The powers of puberty were strong, and he was at his knees. His Grandpa boarded the vessel, Bobby in a smile, half laughing at himself, mostly laughing at the 'pirate' aboard the deck, who apparently didn't know how to use the letter 'G'. He knew that this would be an eventful vacation, nearly walking into a wall, being preoccupied with a lovely miss who was walking right by him, blonde hair flowing in the wind, snickering at his first feet of stupidity at the hand of the other gender.

Chapter 6

Aboard the St. Patrick's Clover, it was extremly boring. The first thing Bobby decided to do was take a nap, which only proved to be futile due to the way that the rusty old boat shook. This isn't a passenger ship, it's a freaking cargo liner, he thought, scowling at the way he couldn't simply get a nap. Great, here's the mood swings. Sh*t, Even Bobby wass suprised what5 he just thought. He was never one for swearing, but then again, he also had never been one for walking into walls while looking at the girl passing by. Oh well, he thought,might as well go look around, and hopefully not run into that 'captain'.

The ship proved to be a source of great entertainment, there were a million nooks and crannies to find Rattata's in, or other dark oriented Pokemon. At the head of the ship, which most people were avoiding because the captain was apparently trying to break the sound barrier, he could see Wingulls and Pellipers, and all sorts of fish pokemon. One Wingull, curiousity getting the better of it, landed on his shoulder and began to peck at his hair. It was at this moment the attractive young blonde came walking up. Startled by this, Bobby shooed off the Wingull, and nearly fell off the boat himself, only making the cute blonde giggle even more at his feats. She approached him and stuck out her hand, smiling. Bobby, taken by suprise, stuck out his hand very machanicaly, and shook it, his cheeks turning cherry red. "Hi, I'm Jennifer, and you are?the girl introduced herself.

"I'm, um, I'm B-bobby, yeah, I'm Bobby, nice to meet you," he tried to smile as sincerely as possible without looking like a doofus; needless to say, he didn't pull this off," So, what are you doing on the ship, I mean, I know you're going to Haruba, but why," he blubbered, trying to make his first conversation with a female that wasn't his mother go as smoothly as possible.

"I'm coming back with my father from a debate on Boyle City, on the other side of the island from where the boat left off. My dad's a politician, he's one of the World Councel Members. We're Haruba naitives. Apparently, in politic terms, that means we're Minority Territory #7, while the mainland is Major Territory # 4. It makes me upset, but I'm just glaed I don't live in the Orange Islands. They have like 32 Minority Settlements. So, why are you coming to Haruba,"

"Huh, oh yeah, my grandpa and I are going to look for the Anotech City," he annaunced, feeling foolish.

"Well, I don't know about a city, but I've heard legends about them. I'll ask my dad if you can stay at my mansion, but otherwise, I'd be happy to help you look, even if you can't stay," she said. Bobby was amazed, beautiful and kind hearted. The perfect friend, and they had barely met. The two spent the rest of the day together, being introduced to each other's chaperones, the father agreeing to let the two bunk at his house for a week. Jennifer, or Jenny as she wanted Bobby to call her, apparently was quite familiar with the ship. She could navigate her way through the maze of carbon copy rooms, differentiated only by the bronze number hammered loosely on the door. She even had names for the entire family of Rattata and Ratticate that inhabited the basements. Overall, that day was one that Bobby was sure he would remember forever, and the two ageed to meet up with each other at, what she called 'the big house up on the sand dune. Bobby went to sleep eager to see it, and dreamed dreams of the two getting married, having kids, and growing old together.

[Robert]

Post 3

Haruba, Here I Come

among other things...

Chapter 7

Bobby was awoken by a very sharp and sudden bump, and a man calling," Land be where we at, now ye be leavin' the ship lest ye want to be returnin' where ye be comin' from, har har har," Ugh, the idiot in the pirate get-up again, he would need an aspirin after hearing one more word out of his mouth. But, nevertheless, Bobby got up, and got dressed, so tired he almost put his socks on where his underpants usually went. After getting all his clothes on the right part of his body, he grabbed all his luggage, shook his grandfather awake, and proceeded to look for Jenny.

Jenny, apparently, was loitering around the exit, waiting with the tall, dark haired, man-in-suit-and-tie that was her father. He simply walked over, said a hasty hi, and leaned with his back on the railing of the boat, the way the 'popular' kids did back in Boyleland. Bobby just wasn't cut out to be cool, and nearly lost all his luggage to the sea, only resulting in more giggles from Jenny, and a suprising, seemingly misplaced half smile from her father. Thankfully, the akward moment was immediatly interrupted by a flambouyant grandpa skipping along in Bermuda short and a Hawaii shirt, yellow flip-flops, a straw hat on his head, and what appeared to be 2 liters of sunscreen dabbed all over his face. The rusty old man walking in an outrageous get-up turned more than a dozen heads, and got Bobby to blush like a ripe macintosh apple. The four walked off of the boat, making small talk," So, Mr., um Herve, was it, what do you know about the Anotechs?" Grandpa asked, making a brave stab to break the silence.

"Well," the uptight buisnessman replied, " I'm not much of a historian, but I just know that they thought that Armaldo could talk to the dead, what nonsense. Jenny spent all of last night studying it on my laptop, why don't you ask her?"

Well, okay, Daddy," she said, a tone of pride hidden in her voice," The Anotechs came here about 200,000 years ago, and worshipped Anorith and Armaldo, for they thought they were reincarnations of righteous men. They have been seen in 5,000 years, just about the time the Book of Arceus said that the great flood happened. Supposedly, they lived underground, and could only enter and exit using an Anorith or Armaldo, but it was proven during an excavation that a Sandshrew or a Sandslash co-"

"Sandslash!" exclaimed Bobby, knowledge coming to him in a rush, his body turning in the opposite direction, running for the departing ship. He ran up the staircase, and jumped off of the docking ledge, and jumped, missing the boat by a mile. The ancient behometh halted, and a ladder was immediatly lowered down to rescue him. Once on deck, the man who now looked like half a pirate, with the eyepatch and pegleg still on, but now wearing normal clothes, began to speak,"Wow kid, ya gave me quite a scare there," even in all the drama, Bobby couldn't help but think I knew it, I knew it, I knew he really wasn't a pirate!. "Now, why did you go and do a stupid stunt like that?"

"Um, I forgot my Sandslash onboard, and I really needed it," At this instant, the man pulled a pokeball from his pocket, and released the Sandslash. Glaring at Bobby, Sandslash used cut on his leg, though Bobby knew he deserved it, he couldn't help but feel a little pissed. The captain was gone, already docking the boat in the harbor. As Bobby got off, he felt foolish, dripping wet, a bloody cut on his leg, walking with a man in a suit, and a grandpa who looked like a Icelandic tourist in Disney Land, marveling at how circular the wheels on the roller coaster were. But knowing that Jenna was there, he was staying in a mansion, and going treasure hunting soon made it all better.

Chapter 8

"Ugh, it's so hot, who's idea was it to come here anyway," complained Bobby as him, Jenny, and his grandpa trudged in the sand dunes of Haruba, Sandslash digging through the sand, keeping cool in the lower parts. "This stinks, we've been at it for more than two hours, and we haven't found jack- OH MY GOD, WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?" Saandslash, apprently had dug right into a hidden button, turning the sand into a sort of elevastor, lowering into the subterrain of the desert, showing what appeared to be a burial chamber. "Oh, my god, what is this?" whishpere Bobby.

"Bobby, come over here," breathed Jenny, wiping down a dusty tablet she found on the ground. The lablet seemed to be a peice of a larger set. It had engravings of ships, and deserts, plates am\nd pokemon. "Bobby, I think this is the place, this is the Lost City of the Anotechs. Pulling out a flashlight, she illuminated the entire room, revelaing a mass of bones and fossils. Bobby pocketed the tablet, which could be useful later on, and went to rifling through the archives of history that was this burial ground. There he found more tablets, which seemed to fit together, like a jigsaw puzzle. "Bobby, this place is giving me the creeps, can we get out of here, please," begged Jenny. Bobby, in a bargaining effort, said that he just needed a few more minutes, which swiftly turned into half an hour. After he was sure that he had all the peices of the tablet, he picked up the biggest of the fossils that were there, a large head that looked like it beleonged to a giant bug,this must be an Armaldo, he thought.

They boarded the sand-elevator, which brang them back up to the surface. "Okay, I think these tablet peices are like a jigsaw puzzle, and this head is an Armaldo fossil," Bobby explained, motioning to his filled pocket and the rock in his hands. "Jenny, I think we should brilng these back to your dad, and see what he has to say about them," Bobby then suggested

"I think tha-that's a really great idea," Jenny stuttered, still obviusly shaken from the tomb they were just in. Jenny led the way, with grandpa behind her, Bobby and Sandslash in the rear, studying the Pokemon fossil, wondering what they could ever hope to accomplish with a large, fossilized head of an extinct Pokemon.

Chapter 9

"Hmm," muttered Jenny's father, trying to sound intellectual about something he knew about,"Yes, I conclude this is a fossil, and from the shape of it, it belongs to either a human, and Anorith, or Armaldo, or maybe another Pokemon or animal, or an inanimate object, I'm positive of it," Bobby rolled his eyes, this man was really somethng. If it wasn't one of the things he stated, it was something that had never been discovered before, or an alien.

"Daddy, what are we going to do about it. I mean, it's not like we can keep it, can we. I mean, I think that's illeagal. And what would we do with a fossil anyway, put it on the mantlepeice?" Jenny asked her father

Bobby walked out of the room while Jenny's father answered here question," I have a contact in Hoenn. I'll get a boat to bring us there tommorow, and we can get it checked out. They might even be able to revive it with a new machine they built,". But Bobby had more pressing matters. He took all the peices of the jigsaw like tablet, and started to peice them back together. It was incredibly boring work, and not to mention hard. They didn't fit together perfectly, like in a real puzzle, they had nicks and cracks, and were basically a sandstone with eatchings in them. But when he finished, it was incredible

Just as he put the last peice into place, the tablet began to glow bright white, and when the lightshow had ended, all the nicks and cracks were gone, and the tablet was in vibrant colors, and perfectly legible. On the top, in beatifully crafted Unown letters, the words Hijkoru des Anotechs, which he took to be History of the Anotechs in some dead language, thankfully, the rest of the table was inscribed by picture, no hiroglyphics to decode, just simple toddler work. At first, it showed an island, he took it to be Hoenn, and nearby they showed a fleet of ships, sailing to another three islands, what he took to be Almia. The tablet then showed a vibrant picture of a desert, with cactuses and Oasie.

Then, there was a picture of what he took to be the City of the Anotechs in all it's glory. He then saw what he took to be an ocean, the great flood, he thought, and after that, there was an empty space, just enough to put in one more engraving. Bobby took out his pocket knife, and scratched in a crude drawing of bones in a room, which then immediatly rectified itself, filling it with color, and evening out the shakes in his hand. At the top of the tablet, next to the writing, a strange symbol appeared, as if written by an invisible hand, which Bobby took to meant the history of the Anotechs was completed at last. Bobby pocketed the stone, and walked out of the room, feeling guilty to think that he ended the history of a great civilazation.

[Robert]

Post 4

Hoenn, Here I Come
among other things...



Chapter 10

Bobby was boarding another boat, this time a proper one, a beautiful one, no rust, no barnacles, named The Gearheart. It was hardly a passenger boat, it was a luuxury boat, with velvet curtains, pillows, and real matresses, not to mention that every time a wave hit it the wrong way, it didn't feel as it were going to tip over. Grandpa was on the phone with Bobby's mother, trying to convince her that it was in his best interests to go to Hoenn, and maybe see about the fossil. Eventually, after the same wearing down, his not gonna get hurt technique he used to get him to Haruba, Grandpa Shores was able to convince Leene Shores that Hoenn was all right.

But Bobby thought, that, while the other ship was rusty and smelled of rotten fish, there was one thing that would always be the same: the sea. The sea, a vast blue expanse, going everywhere, the most beautiful thing in the world, or he thought. There would always be the Remoraids, the Pelippers, the sky, and the water. The sense that no matter what happened, the sea would always be there. As he thought that, he twiddled with Sandslash's Pokeball. The Pokeball came out of his hands, falling to the deck, rolling to the railings, now a blur of red and white, and went over the edge, into the vast expanse of blue life that was the sea. Bobby thought that the Pokeball would be lost forever, but he was luckily mistaken.

As Bobby wallowed in his blunder, and the orb speeded to the imminant plop, a Pelipper, the very same one he had seen on the St. Patrick's Clover, and the one that was following him, went into a streamline position, orange beak wide open, grabbed the orb out of mid-air, and flew up to Bobby, and dropped it into his bewildered hands. He released Sandslash from his prison of a Pokeball, and saw Jenny, who saw the entire episode, almost as bewildered as he was. The Pelipper pecked at all three of them in a playful manner, never hurting them once, and they played like that until the sun formed an orange arc low in the sky, and the water was almost purple, at which time Jenny went to her room, and Bobby to his, Sandslash following him all the way, eventually getting itself back in its Pokeball, while Pelipper roosted on top of the ship, dozing, waiting for tommorow, and the next, and the next, on which they would finally be in Hoenn.

Chapter 11

Docking at the Rustboro Harbor, Bobby had butterflies in his stomach. He had spent three days on the luxury liner, playing with the Pelipper, and looking over the tablet he had found at the Lost City. The Pelipper had taken a liking to him and had decided to follow him wherever he went. "C'mon kids," said Jenny's father," We need to go to the Devon Corporation Building. My old colleauge from the Hoenn University wroks there, and he e-mailed me last month about a machine to bring fossils back to life. We'll ask if we can use it on the fossil Robert found,".

Bobby rolled his eyes, Jenny's father, who had revealed his name an Antony, was intent on calling him 'Robert'. It was, as he called it, 'the true name of a buisnessman'. But Bobby didn't mind that as he was walking through Rustboro City, buildings everywhere, people walking and laughing with each other, and children chasing Pokemon around the town. Bobby theought that there was more people in one of those huge apartment building than there were on all of Boyleland.

The Devon Building was huge; it was made of thousands upon thousands of pounds of brick and mortar, with huge glass windows and fancy electric sliding doors. Upon walking in, Bobby felt oddly out of place, him in a tee-shirt and jeans, next to a tall man with glasses and a suit on, sipping on a cup of coffee. Everyone seemed to be in thier own little bubble, oblivious to the comings and goings of everyone else, except of course, for the receptionist. She smiled at Bobby and asked if he would like a lollipop, which he gladly excepted. He peeled the wrappings off of it while Antony talked to the receptonist, who had a name tag that said 'Hello, my name is Michelle', and plopped it in his mouth. It was delicous, a caramel brown color, rich and sugar, and artifiacially flavored to taste like root beer.

But Antony snapped Bobby out of his sugar daze by saying, "Come Robert, Jenny, and Harold(Grandpa shores let it slip out that his first name was Harold), Trevor and his machine is located on the fourth floor," He beckoned them to the elevator, and pressed the plastic button that was emblazoned with the number 4, and entered through the chrome metal door that parted after the button press.

The elevator was extremely fast, it took only seconds to rocket to the fourth floor. Antony exited the elevator first, only getting out a "Trevor, it's nice to se-," before he was cut off by a rather large bang. Bobby sped to the window, and saw a large red machine with a rather wiry man in a glass dome sitting in it. Apparently, the man was controlling the rubber protected giant arms and legs of the machine. The window was immediatly smashed by one f the giant metal fingers randomly flinging through the air, sending Bobby plummeting to the ground, his Sandslash with him.

Bobby felt that he was going to die, but the Pelipper immediatly scooped him up and let him back onto the ground. Bobby looked up at the giant dome on the top of the machine and noticed something horrible; the man inside was his father, recognizable from pictures that his mom had shown him.

Chapter 12

The man inside the machine was moving the creature, smash buildings, but oddly, not killing people. The man had an evil glint in his eye, but Bobby knew there was something wrong with him, something not right with his brain. Then he saw it, a small metal tool, surgically implanted into his head. "It's controlling him," Bobby muttered to himself. "The only way is to battle him," Bobby came to a conclusion, he was going to have to fight his own father.

Sandslash and Pelipper, as if they could read his thoughts, stood in a battle pose, ready to fight. Bobby conjured up all the information that he ever learned about battling from school and video games, and called out a command," Pelipper, use Water Gun on the ground to soften it, and then Sandslash, dig through it and attack the leg!" Pelipper released a spiral of clear blue water from its beak, which hit the ground at 100 miles per hour and turned the formally soft dirt around the flower bud into mud. Sandslash then dug into it, splashing it everywhere, digging under the tile that was the street, and jumped up through it, and in a shower of white stone, broke a piece of the robot off, the electrical wires now showing. the giant robot, controlled by the brainwashed man who was Bobby's father, swung one of the arms into Sandslash, sending it crashing into a nearby building, destroying the wooden frame. "Pelipper, use Water Gun on the wires," barked Bobby.

For the second time, water came tumbling from the beak of Pelipper, crashing into the wires of the left foot, making it sputter, crackling with electricity, and die. Now the machine was more sluggish than before, but the person who controlled it was enraged. He grabbed Pelipper with a giant red hand, and squeezed until it llooked as if Pelipper's eyes were going to pop out of their sockets. The suffocating bird let out a Hydro Pump, which dented the mettalic torso of the electronic being, and rebounded into the hand, fracturing it and lossening the grip on Pelipper.

The bird tumbled to the ground, smashing with a rather loud bam, and using Stockpile, getting ready to heal itself. The now recovered and extremely peeved Sandslash took the stage, using Fury Swipes on the rubber of the machine, slashing and hashing them until it was a barely recognizable mess of rubber, plastic, and metal. Then, using a fierce Slash, ripped through the metal, cutting several of the red and blue wires and fracturing even more. The leg, just like the foot, crackled with blue electricity for seconds, then died, collapsing under the weight of the torso, hitting the ground with a PAM and throwing fragments of white stone around the city like an angry kindergartener with a new stick of chalk. One of the pieces of chalk hit Sandslash on the head, leaving it helpless to protect itself from the falling leg of the machine. Bobby screamed," Pelipper, use Swallow and then ram the weakened hand until it falls off, and then use Hydro Pump on the wires," and then ran to the aid of the crushed Sandslash.

Pelipper swallowed the Stockpile, and then rose into the air and used multiple Take Downs on the hand weakened by the Hydro Pump. It rammed it again and again, until it hung just by a measly scrap of dented bright red metal. Then it used what some would call the most powerful Take Down ever, and the hand of the satanic machine flew into the nearby ocean, becoming a makeshift reef for small fish. Then, instead of following the orders of Bobby, used a bright blue Hydro Pump on the exposed wires, which caused it to sputter with an even more powerful lightening, and it swung like a pendulem on a grandfather clock, smashing into Pelipper, electricuting it. The Pelipper was then hit like a baseball into another building, using Bounce to recoil off of the mortar, and Peck to slice off another arm, following with a water gun. Sandslash, who was just freed by Bobby, ran at the torso with a Slash, but was hit backwards. Pelipper landed next to Bobby in front of the torso as a giant metal cannon emerged from chest of the beast. In a stroke of brilliance, Bobby yelled, "Sandslash, charge up a Slash, and Pelipper, use Hydro Pump to fire Sandslash into the barrel of the cannon.

The bird shot a giant stream of spiraling blue water from its beak, sending Sandslash staight into the barrel of the cannon, using a razor sharp Slash to rip all of the internal wires, and rocketing out the other end, finishing by somersaulting into the pavement. The cherry-red machine exploded in a flash of quickly self-extinguished fire and smoke, sending fragment of glass and plastic everywhere, and Arthur into the air. One of the fragments of the glass dome hit the brainwashing machine implanted in Arthur's head, returning him to his senses, though causing blood to drip from the point of impact. He spiraled to the ground, Pelipper saving him as he did to Bobby. Paramedics proceeded to patch him up in the local hospital, picking up the pieces of his broken life, and not to mention his bones, several of which were fractured or broken in the explosion. Bobby collapsed then and there, too tired to do anything else except sleep after the intense battle.

[Robert]

Post 4

Hoenn, Here I Come
among other things...



Chapter 10

Bobby was boarding another boat, this time a proper one, a beautiful one, no rust, no barnacles, named The Gearheart. It was hardly a passenger boat, it was a luuxury boat, with velvet curtains, pillows, and real matresses, not to mention that every time a wave hit it the wrong way, it didn't feel as it were going to tip over. Grandpa was on the phone with Bobby's mother, trying to convince her that it was in his best interests to go to Hoenn, and maybe see about the fossil. Eventually, after the same wearing down, his not gonna get hurt technique he used to get him to Haruba, Grandpa Shores was able to convince Leene Shores that Hoenn was all right.

But Bobby thought, that, while the other ship was rusty and smelled of rotten fish, there was one thing that would always be the same: the sea. The sea, a vast blue expanse, going everywhere, the most beautiful thing in the world, or he thought. There would always be the Remoraids, the Pelippers, the sky, and the water. The sense that no matter what happened, the sea would always be there. As he thought that, he twiddled with Sandslash's Pokeball. The Pokeball came out of his hands, falling to the deck, rolling to the railings, now a blur of red and white, and went over the edge, into the vast expanse of blue life that was the sea. Bobby thought that the Pokeball would be lost forever, but he was luckily mistaken.

As Bobby wallowed in his blunder, and the orb speeded to the imminant plop, a Pelipper, the very same one he had seen on the St. Patrick's Clover, and the one that was following him, went into a streamline position, orange beak wide open, grabbed the orb out of mid-air, and flew up to Bobby, and dropped it into his bewildered hands. He released Sandslash from his prison of a Pokeball, and saw Jenny, who saw the entire episode, almost as bewildered as he was. The Pelipper pecked at all three of them in a playful manner, never hurting them once, and they played like that until the sun formed an orange arc low in the sky, and the water was almost purple, at which time Jenny went to her room, and Bobby to his, Sandslash following him all the way, eventually getting itself back in its Pokeball, while Pelipper roosted on top of the ship, dozing, waiting for tommorow, and the next, and the next, on which they would finally be in Hoenn.

Chapter 11

Docking at the Rustboro Harbor, Bobby had butterflies in his stomach. He had spent three days on the luxury liner, playing with the Pelipper, and looking over the tablet he had found at the Lost City. The Pelipper had taken a liking to him and had decided to follow him wherever he went. "C'mon kids," said Jenny's father," We need to go to the Devon Corporation Building. My old colleauge from the Hoenn University wroks there, and he e-mailed me last month about a machine to bring fossils back to life. We'll ask if we can use it on the fossil Robert found,".

Bobby rolled his eyes, Jenny's father, who had revealed his name an Antony, was intent on calling him 'Robert'. It was, as he called it, 'the true name of a buisnessman'. But Bobby didn't mind that as he was walking through Rustboro City, buildings everywhere, people walking and laughing with each other, and children chasing Pokemon around the town. Bobby theought that there was more people in one of those huge apartment building than there were on all of Boyleland.

The Devon Building was huge; it was made of thousands upon thousands of pounds of brick and mortar, with huge glass windows and fancy electric sliding doors. Upon walking in, Bobby felt oddly out of place, him in a tee-shirt and jeans, next to a tall man with glasses and a suit on, sipping on a cup of coffee. Everyone seemed to be in thier own little bubble, oblivious to the comings and goings of everyone else, except of course, for the receptionist. She smiled at Bobby and asked if he would like a lollipop, which he gladly excepted. He peeled the wrappings off of it while Antony talked to the receptonist, who had a name tag that said 'Hello, my name is Michelle', and plopped it in his mouth. It was delicous, a caramel brown color, rich and sugar, and artifiacially flavored to taste like root beer.

But Antony snapped Bobby out of his sugar daze by saying, "Come Robert, Jenny, and Harold(Grandpa shores let it slip out that his first name was Harold), Trevor and his machine is located on the fourth floor," He beckoned them to the elevator, and pressed the plastic button that was emblazoned with the number 4, and entered through the chrome metal door that parted after the button press.

The elevator was extremely fast, it took only seconds to rocket to the fourth floor. Antony exited the elevator first, only getting out a "Trevor, it's nice to se-," before he was cut off by a rather large bang. Bobby sped to the window, and saw a large red machine with a rather wiry man in a glass dome sitting in it. Apparently, the man was controlling the rubber protected giant arms and legs of the machine. The window was immediatly smashed by one f the giant metal fingers randomly flinging through the air, sending Bobby plummeting to the ground, his Sandslash with him.

Bobby felt that he was going to die, but the Pelipper immediatly scooped him up and let him back onto the ground. Bobby looked up at the giant dome on the top of the machine and noticed something horrible; the man inside was his father, recognizable from pictures that his mom had shown him.

Chapter 12

The man inside the machine was moving the creature, smash buildings, but oddly, not killing people. The man had an evil glint in his eye, but Bobby knew there was something wrong with him, something not right with his brain. Then he saw it, a small metal tool, surgically implanted into his head. "It's controlling him," Bobby muttered to himself. "The only way is to battle him," Bobby came to a conclusion, he was going to have to fight his own father.

Sandslash and Pelipper, as if they could read his thoughts, stood in a battle pose, ready to fight. Bobby conjured up all the information that he ever learned about battling from school and video games, and called out a command," Pelipper, use Water Gun on the ground to soften it, and then Sandslash, dig through it and attack the leg!" Pelipper released a spiral of clear blue water from its beak, which hit the ground at 100 miles per hour and turned the formally soft dirt around the flower bud into mud. Sandslash then dug into it, splashing it everywhere, digging under the tile that was the street, and jumped up through it, and in a shower of white stone, broke a piece of the robot off, the electrical wires now showing. the giant robot, controlled by the brainwashed man who was Bobby's father, swung one of the arms into Sandslash, sending it crashing into a nearby building, destroying the wooden frame. "Pelipper, use Water Gun on the wires," barked Bobby.

For the second time, water came tumbling from the beak of Pelipper, crashing into the wires of the left foot, making it sputter, crackling with electricity, and die. Now the machine was more sluggish than before, but the person who controlled it was enraged. He grabbed Pelipper with a giant red hand, and squeezed until it llooked as if Pelipper's eyes were going to pop out of their sockets. The suffocating bird let out a Hydro Pump, which dented the mettalic torso of the electronic being, and rebounded into the hand, fracturing it and lossening the grip on Pelipper.

The bird tumbled to the ground, smashing with a rather loud bam, and using Stockpile, getting ready to heal itself. The now recovered and extremely peeved Sandslash took the stage, using Fury Swipes on the rubber of the machine, slashing and hashing them until it was a barely recognizable mess of rubber, plastic, and metal. Then, using a fierce Slash, ripped through the metal, cutting several of the red and blue wires and fracturing even more. The leg, just like the foot, crackled with blue electricity for seconds, then died, collapsing under the weight of the torso, hitting the ground with a PAM and throwing fragments of white stone around the city like an angry kindergartener with a new stick of chalk. One of the pieces of chalk hit Sandslash on the head, leaving it helpless to protect itself from the falling leg of the machine. Bobby screamed," Pelipper, use Swallow and then ram the weakened hand until it falls off, and then use Hydro Pump on the wires," and then ran to the aid of the crushed Sandslash.

Pelipper swallowed the Stockpile, and then rose into the air and used multiple Take Downs on the hand weakened by the Hydro Pump. It rammed it again and again, until it hung just by a measly scrap of dented bright red metal. Then it used what some would call the most powerful Take Down ever, and the hand of the satanic machine flew into the nearby ocean, becoming a makeshift reef for small fish. Then, instead of following the orders of Bobby, used a bright blue Hydro Pump on the exposed wires, which caused it to sputter with an even more powerful lightening, and it swung like a pendulem on a grandfather clock, smashing into Pelipper, electricuting it. The Pelipper was then hit like a baseball into another building, using Bounce to recoil off of the mortar, and Peck to slice off another arm, following with a water gun. Sandslash, who was just freed by Bobby, ran at the torso with a Slash, but was hit backwards. Pelipper landed next to Bobby in front of the torso as a giant metal cannon emerged from chest of the beast. In a stroke of brilliance, Bobby yelled, "Sandslash, charge up a Slash, and Pelipper, use Hydro Pump to fire Sandslash into the barrel of the cannon.

The bird shot a giant stream of spiraling blue water from its beak, sending Sandslash staight into the barrel of the cannon, using a razor sharp Slash to rip all of the internal wires, and rocketing out the other end, finishing by somersaulting into the pavement. The cherry-red machine exploded in a flash of quickly self-extinguished fire and smoke, sending fragment of glass and plastic everywhere, and Arthur into the air. One of the fragments of the glass dome hit the brainwashing machine implanted in Arthur's head, returning him to his senses, though causing blood to drip from the point of impact. He spiraled to the ground, Pelipper saving him as he did to Bobby. Paramedics proceeded to patch him up in the local hospital, picking up the pieces of his broken life, and not to mention his bones, several of which were fractured or broken in the explosion. Bobby collapsed then and there, too tired to do anything else except sleep after the intense battle.

[Robert]

Post Five


Armaldo's Revival
among no other things...

Bobby, who had officially been recognized as a town hero, his two Pokemon, Sandslash and Pelipper, Grandpa Shores, Jenny and her father, Dr. Trevor Fioeds, and Arthur Shores, who was in a wheel chair, a cast on his right ankle, left leg, right arm and jaw, were all huddled around an impressive chrome machine. Dr. Fioeds started to speak," This is it, my De-Fossilizer 3000, it can turn any fossil into the Pokemon it was before it died. Now, first of all, the stone tablet you gave us is about 3,000 years old, and it is believed that it dates back to the time of the Great Flood. We'll pay you 10,000 pokedollars for it,"

"No," replied Bobby," Keep it for free, it was never mine in the first place,"

"Thank you greatly, the least we can do is send you home for free. Now, the fossil you gave me belonged to an Armaldo, a Pokemon that was previously thought to be extinct, but has been found in the deserts nearby. Nevertheless, it is extremely rare, though, if this works, you are entitled to keep it by Hoenn law,"

At the end of this speech, he retreated to another room for several minutes, and retrieved the fossil from it. He placed it into the machine, and flicked it on. A glass dome encased the fossil, and an incense of buring rubber filled the room. The fossil glowed bright white, and started to take the form of an Armaldo...

for some reason I don't think this is going to pass

[Robert]

Aiyeh, I did say I was going to grade this, and I kinda already went halfway through before I noticed that DarkGardevior posted... I'll just throw whatever I have out first since I've already gone and ranted and typed it all out and I'll speak to both of you regarding this...

Initiating Steak House Grading Protocol...

Raising Standard to Demanding...

Introduction

This wasn't done too badly. We are succinctly introduced to Bobby and his grandpa, the central characters in this story, as well as the tale of Armaldo and whatnot, pretty much forming the basis of the rest of the tale. Adventure in the desert! Phew, I can smell the sand already. In fact, I would say it was pretty well-done. But not enough for a Distinction.

Medium-Well. Pass.

Plot

Ehhhhh... This is kinda where you die.

The 'missing relative' thing has been done to death (I mean like, OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAND!!! times), and I was really, really, really praying that you would handle it well so I wouldn't have to kill you until you were dead. Needless to say... You didn't. First, he jumps out out of nowhere in a machine. Why IS he in the machine? Isn't he supposed to be doing a lot of calculations to help the bad guys earn money? And the last nail in your coffin is that the dad didn't even get a hug/nice weepy reunion with his kid. Everything to do with this plot point just makes this entire thing seem completely filler, including its introduction, like it was just slipped in to fill characters. In fact, it just made me want to fail your entire story solely on this basis. Sounds harsh, but I gotta be honest with you. :x For something that should pose of great importance in this story (ESPECIALLY to Bobby's development), you didn't seem to even use any effort to work it in. I can tell, since Bobby shook that shocking revelation that his dad was kidnapped by bad guys off like it was nothing. That and he didn't even get anywhere near angry that his dad was being manipulated so badly by the bad dudes to be thrown into a machine and forced to kill his own family. :/

I'll stop ranting about the 'dad' point (since you probably already get the gist) and get to the rest.

Bobby came across as a very flat character, with little to no development at all, contrary to how you attempted to portray him in the story. In other words: Bobby did not mature at all, or at least, I don't think he did. If 'maturing' means 'getting all pumped with testosterone' for you, then you're sadly on the wrong track. I was honestly expecting more from Bobby due to the introduction, and I felt disappointed by how he behaved throughout the story. He seemed like a much better person before the puberty kicked in than after it did. Really, you don't have to harp on the puberty thing so much.

As for Grandpa, I felt that he deserved a name much, much earlier, but otherwise he was fine. I do complain about a glaring lack of presence near the part where the fossil was discovered. C'mon, grandpa is mentioned to be with the two of them. At least let him have a part in discovering the fossil. You can do better. :/

There doesn't seem to be anything imperfect about Jennifer, which is the point I'm about to slam now. Mary-Sues, which are female characters that are perfect in EVERY SINGLE WAY POSSIBLE, are highly discouraged in writing. (Yeah, I'm talking about you, Edward Cullen.) (The male version is Gary-Stu.) Jennifer is portrayed to be a female with NO WEAK, literally, therefore she would fall into this category. Knowledgable? Yes. Pretty? Yes. Social skills? Nope, not lacking. Personality? Flawless. Handling Pokemon? No problem. Do you see where I am going with this? It is impossible to be a hundred percent perfect. I'm not asking you to have to make a total sob story out of your characters, just have them show some sort of inherent flaw in them. Being scared of a dark place isn't nearly enough.

I find Jennifer's dad pretty odd as well... If you're so rich to own a mansion, wouldn't you be pretty busy? Do you even have time to pet and play with your kid, adhere to her whims, and call up some potentially vital favours just for some rock that may or may not be a fossil? I dunno, just my personal opinion.

One thing I did like about your plot was that it made a good effort to be a straight-forward adventure plot with a couple of twists, which is rather fresh compared to the hordes of conspiracy theories I have had to weed through these past few grades/Phoenix Wright games. :x The keywords here are 'good effort'... Meaning you fall short. Sorry man. Your build-up all the way up to the point where they get on the ship was fantastic, then after that everything started going downhill. The ship part itself was still okay, but it was after they stepped off the ship that things really started sucking. Unfortunately, that also kinda happened to be your climax...

All in all, your plot was rather poorly executed, but your build-up was good. However, it's actually because your build-up is good that I'm inclined to smack you with a worse grade because it is painfully obvious that you are capable of a better way to pull off the rest of your story. Not that you would pass this section without the extra deduction anyway.

Very, Very Rare. Fail.

Grammar/Spelling

I'm not going to harp so much here, because it's pretty clearly readable... But again, it is extremely obvious that you didn't use a spellchecker, and by extension a lack of proofreading.

Some things to take note of: Pokédollars should be capitalised, attack names should all be capitalised, and if there is a large pause between a person's speech and the next part of it, you'll probably be better off just splitting both. And try to be as formal as possible in the actual prose (i.e. when the narrator is narrating), since it makes your story read a lot more presentably. You can also be generous with paragraphing, especially after the ship part. It creates a rather convenient pause and spaces out your prose.

Normally this kind of spelling/grammar would suffice, but I expect a significant amount more out of a Demanding story, so no.

Medium-Rare. Fail.

Length

You made the guideline, so nothing to say. However, if you put more into your plot, you shouldn't have any problem hitting 50K. Really.

Medium. Pass.

Detail

There are two very different areas in the story. I'll start with the first part.

You really went over the top at the start. Really. You were very liberal in usage of adjectives, which is perfectly laudable. I don't even do that myself. :X Take a cookie. Nearly everything was rather well-described, and you especially slugged on the description on the ship and its captain. I can tell. As I said, near the beginning, when Grandpa was telling his story, it was also very, very detailed and good. One thing to take note of though: Don't assume that everybody knows what you're talking about. You might run into a Grader who has no idea of what a Macintosh apple is, which means you're screwed. Even more obviously, not everyone has played Pokemon Ranger: Shadows of Almia and thus not know what a Boyleland hut looks like. Take note of this stuff.

And then after they get off the ship, everything starts going downhill. :/ Description was cut to near minimum compared to how it was before that part, and most of the description was barebones anyhow, except the Devon Building and the sweet. Which could have been done better too.

To conclude this section, I have to say that your description was pretty stellar at the beginning, then got totally bogged down by the later parts. What, all out of stamina? Work on it.

Still, it's a Medium steak. Pass.

Battle

Um... No. Just no.

First of all, this was far too short, considering that this is supposed to be of a Demanding standard. 6 paragraphs is hardly enough when I see Hard stories with battles far longer than this. C'mon, you can do better. If you could beat down that machine so fast, what stopped other brave/hot-blooded people from jumping in with six Rattata and going straight for the joints? Give the machine more credit. This isn't the anime, where Team Rocket's bots get blown to pieces with one Thunderbolt. THIS! IS! SPARTAAAA!!! Just kidding. You yourself said that the thing's fingers crushed the windows on the fourth floor, making me believe that it was probably around ten to eighteen metres tall (depending on size of each floor). That's pretty darn huge. You don't just take out that kind of thing with like... -counts- about eight attacks, only counting the horde of Take Downs once. Speaking of which, the Take Down spam shouldn't have worked. I'll deal with that next paragraph. The point here is... This battle could have been much, much longer if you had put the effort in. I'd say it should be harder to bring down than an Armaldo.

And now... You really should give the machine more credit. Like I said, it's easily four to five storeys high to be able to smash windows on the fourth floor. And where the hell are its weapons? Even dumb ol' Team Rocket bothered to build missiles and other weapons into their offensive gadgets. You can't expect me to believe that some evil organisation that has good enough brains to kidnap a successful businessman while evading security forgot to load their wrecker mech with weapons other than one chest cannon. Where are the gatling guns? Rawrgh. And I've never heard of Pelipper's physical strength being of any significance, so I don't see how any number of Take Downs being any much of a problem to the machine's armour. Or are you telling me all it has is rubber for armour? What kinda assault mech is that? Not only that, but I wager Pelipper probably gets in about three Take Downs before Bobby's dad grabs it with the other hand and squeezes the life out of it again. Yeah. I honestly have no problems with Sandslash's attacks, except they were too few to be able to maim the machine, considering it has to have thick armour to withstand hits. You can't just walk in with a big mech and wreck stuff without people attacking you right back. And then there's also the problem with Sandslash's Fury Swipes. Same with Pelipper spamming Take Downs, Sandslash is going to get picked up, and then like tossed away or something.

Now, I'll talk about just how unrealistic your Pokemon are... Especially Pelipper. Crushed, then Take Down recoil damage, THEN it got electrocuted (it's 4x weak to Electric, dammit) and still has energy to Bounce and then whack the mech some more. Personally, I find that VERY hard to believe. Same for Sandslash... Except Sandslash honestly deserved a little more in some places and a little less in others. Sandslash has Base 100 Defense, for heaven's sake. One hit by a piece of shrapnel won't faze it much. Not only that, Sandslash could have easily ripped the leg apart or dug underground to avoid the falling leg. Why does Bobby have to be involved? Unless you say something like Sandslash got dazed by the shrapnel or something. Or it got him in the eye. Give a plausible explanation.

Sorry, but the way Pelipper is so incredibly invincible at the moment, and the machine not really living up to any realistic standard, I'll have to fail you here. Very badly too.

Very Rare. Fail.

Overall

There is only one thing to say: You can do better. Seriously, the difference between your earlier part and your later parts (i.e. after the ship) is very significant. You really, really should work on it. Your plot is dead. Your battle is screwed too. While your description is fine, the other two vital areas of your story are shot to hell, so... yeah. Tie up some plot holes and fix your battle up and I'll see. While you're at it, go to town on your grammar errors.

P.S. LEARN TO TEAM RP AND YOU MIGHT DO YOUR BATTLE WELL

Outcome

Armaldo NOT CAPTURED

Gogogo. PM/IM/VM for re-grade.

Note: Credit this grade's money to DG plox. I don't really deserve it. :/

[Robert]

This was exactly the smack on the head I needed, GD, can you give me a little extra time to fix it, but if you already did it, post it as it is.